Helping Our Leaders to Lead Us


I have tried. I have really, really tried to sort out this election. I watched the first presidential debate, sticking through the entire thing with my jaw clenched painfully, in hope that SOMEONE would say something that would reach my heart and give me hope that ONE of these people really cared about me, my family, my financial and physical security and my health.

The faces of my children watching with me reflected the disappointment I felt. I think this was the hardest part of the debate, realizing none of my kids have passion for either political candidate because I want my children believe in our leaders. One of them said “Neither one cares about us mom. They only care about making the other person look bad.”

I missed the first VP debate so I found it on YouTube, thinking maybe there would some redemption with the potential “second in command” peeps. Sadly, the best part of this debate was the funny commercial I had to watch on YouTube before the debate started entitled “How to Poop at a Party”. This humorous advertisement for a product called Poo-Pourri with the hilarious phrase “Control the SHITtuation”  seemed a perfect slogan for the VP debates because within three minutes these men were interrupting and flinging metaphoric poo at each other. The same sick feeling rose in my stomach, though the thought did cross my mind that maybe these two might better serve us as options for the presidential slot that their running mates. It has to be pretty challenging for these two to defend their “bosses” who have both done and said enough upsetting things to have created an irrevocable sense of distrust among many, many voters.

Each of these people (presidential and vice presidential candidates) has had the opportunity to look passionately and humbly into the camera, ignore the poo slinging and say “People of America: I care about each one of you and promise to do my very best to surround myself with smart, equally caring people, who will in turn help me to help you be safe, fed, employed and treated fairly. I promise. With all I am. Amen.”

Yeah. It feels like we might all be in a little trouble.

So I’ve been trying to get my mind wrapped around how we might all carry on despite the inevitable “less than adequate” leadership coming our way and this thought keeps popping into my head:

“What if every single one of us made the commitment to make it EASIER for our leaders to lead us?”

The reality is, we are a difficult bunch to lead. In these United States of America, we have more rights than we know what to do with and many of us are so busy making sure these legally given rights are not stomped upon (insert ANY issue here) that we don’t realize (or maybe we do) that in the process we stomp upon other people’s rights. And this stomping has never been more evident than the present thanks to social media giving us all a much louder and more impactful voice. How does any leader stand a chance with such a diverse and difficult to please nation?

What if each of us stepped back from what we think we know and deserve, just for a minute, and ask our leaders, whether they be politicians, bosses, teachers, or parents “What can I do to make it easier for you to lead me and the rest of your minions?” Now I realize that is a little bit JFK “plagerism-ish” but despite the fact that the world has changed exponentially since the 1960’s, we are all still simply human, even our leaders. We need, now more than ever, to be asking what each of us can do for our country, and for our state, city, school, office and home to make this life we are are all trying to live to the best of our ability, a little bit easier, so that we aren’t all so desperate to be told by our leaders. who are ONLY human. that “everything is going to be okay”.

The reality is, it’s up to us to make things okay.

So, I’m going to pretend for a self indulgent moment that I am a presidential candidate and have been asked the question on national television by a member of the audience “What can I do to make it easier for you to lead me?”

Imagine that I am looking into the camera, which zooms in on my face, compassionate, kind and honest. (This is PRETEND. It’s like a movie people!) This is my moment to change the country for the better because what I say will be heard by MILLIONS upon MILLIONS of people who will APPLY what I say to their everyday thoughts, words and actions and I’ve only got two minutes to answer, IF I’m lucky and the person next to me doesn’t rudely interrupt my once in a lifetime opportunity. I take a deep breath and begin:

“My good and wonderful minion: this is a wonderful question, thank you! The first thing I would ask of you is to realize that I am doing my very best. All leaders on a large and small scale, from presidents to parents are doing their best. But we as human beings bring with us into this life adventure the baggage of our upbringing and our life experiences, of our successes and our failures, of our joys and our heart breaks. Not one of us begins our life thinking ‘I’m going to set out to be the worst, most heinous leader in the history of time.’ Life experiences change us and while we all truly care, sometimes we get a little lost in the chaotic shuffle. Leadership is complicated, especially for us politicians and humanity is not perfect. If it was it wouldn’t NEED leaders. We are all doing our best. If you can realize THIS about every human being, including yourself, you’ll be more apt to live in compassion, which by its very nature allows goodness to prevail.

I would ask of you to look to the person on your left and to the person on your right and recognize the following: they each have value; they are each struggling in their own way; and they each could use a helping hand. I would ask that you offer your hand and help pull the people around you out of their struggles. Do this every day. All day. Sometimes it’s as simple as a smile or a kind word. Sometimes it takes more effort in the form of your time, talent or treasure. While you can not be all things to all people, you CAN be aware of your immediate surroundings and change your small part of the world by giving of yourself in small ways. I speak to myself as much as I do to you, because it is very, very easy as humans to forget about others as we struggle in our daily lives. But if we all take the approach of giving of ourselves, of listening to our fellow man and seeking to understand what it’s like to walk in their shoes, we will in turn be met with similar kindness and compassion.

I would ask that in this age of social media and the ability to reach millions of people with the push of a button, that you consider carefully everything you publish. Ask yourself: is it kind and meaningful or is it cruel and pointless? As technology continues to advance, our social responsibility becomes more and more important.

And lastly I would ask that you to stop wastefulness in its tracks. Water, food, clothing, shelter, transportation: do not take these things for granted. Be thankful if you have them and treat these resources with great care: use what you need, share if you have extra. It’s really that simple. Resist throwing away anything that still has use for you or for someone else. We live in a country with amazing abundance. If we are each good stewards of what is available to us and give what we have but don’t need, there will always be enough. For everyone.

It is up to each and everyone one of us to keep our country strong, good and plentiful. We must each be a leader within our families, our cities and our nation. We must each be examples of kindness, compassion and good stewardship, and we must each strive to do our best so that our country will continue to be a great and honorable nation.”

This is how I would answer the question that needs to be regularly asked by us of our leaders. I realize my answer is simplistic. But maybe it really CAN be as simple as living by the golden rule and treating others as we wish to be treated. When I watch the second presidential debate tonight, I am going to do my very best to look upon these candidates from a more compassionate and less selfish perspective than I did during the first debate. The reality is WE picked these candidates and so it is our responsibility to make it easier for one of them, in all their human weakness, to lead us. They are each doing their best. And so must we.

Love and Coffee Go Together

It’s almost dark outside on this dreary, drippy fall Monday and I am drinking my second latte of the day. Plus, if you must know, I drank most of the coffee pot coffee this morning. I am hoping this last (over) dose of caffeine will kick start me so I can feel clear enough to finish the work I get paid for and still be nice to my children at what I like to call the “mom just wants to go to bed and leave you all to your own devices” hour. Screw the housework. It can wait. But until the caffeine hits, I thought I would talk to my blog while I am in a fog, and see what happens.

It’s hard for me to post something on my blog site every day. I probably shouldn’t have even attempted the ‘Every Day in November’ deal. This will be my 14th post in 24 days. That’s a 58.3%. Dillin: does this count as a “Healthy F”?

The problem is that I am moody and my moods effect how I see (and tell of) myself and the world and when I don’t see the world or me as nifty or peculiar or wicked fun I would rather not talk to you all about it. I think it’s rude to write negatively. Why spread dark clouds?

Unless you happen to be a SMART writer who can write negative things beautifully. I don’t know how to do that. When I am in a bad mood I use even more swear words than usual and call things dumb a lot. Like a four year old. (Not the swear words, the saying things are dumb.) (Unless your four year olds are like mine were: little stinker parrots.)

But do any of you find it interesting how one day you can look in the mirror and want to blow kisses at your awesomeness and you actually DO because it just FEELS right to blow kisses at yourself. If you have never done this, I highly recommend that you do. But don’t actually kiss the mirror. That would be weird. Plus you would have to clean the slobber off the mirror. Which is a pain. And if your mirror is like mine you could actually get a taste of someone else’s toothpaste spit-splash. And that could possibly wreck the awesomeness mood.

But then sometimes the very next day, with NO changes to your physical appearance, it’s hard to refrain from gagging at the sight of yourself BUT because you hate throwing up, you sigh heavily instead and turn off the lights while you brush your teeth? I mean it could be that the day before you wore black and black is your “make you look hot” color and on this day you wore yellow which makes you look like you have jaundice. It could be that. But more than likely it is simply your mood that has you scowling at your beautiful self. This is REALLY when you should be blowing the kisses but it is just too hard to lift your hand to your mouth when you are in a bad mood. Plus it’s dark in the bathroom.

This morning I was in a great mood but then pretty much used up all my energy singing a slightly altered sound track from The Sound of Music to the little boys as they left for school: “So long, farewell, it’s time for you to go! Adieu, adieu to you and you and you.” It’s best to NOT kiss them on the foreheads when you are singing with your mouth open. It messes their cool spiked up boy bangs. So you know. In case you were going to try it. Slow things down and kiss them between each ‘you’.  They like that better. And you also don’t get firm hold gel in your mouth.

But when I was downtown today for work, even though I was kind of sapped from all that singing, I was still in love with all ‘my downtown people’ and had to hold back from blowing kisses at them. Because this is generally frowned upon downtown. Come to find out people sometimes take it wrong and think you are a weirdo. It’s different when you blow kisses at yourself in the privacy of your own bathroom. No one usually sees that.

But you know the people I’m talking about: the high; the homeless; the mentally off kilter; the really thin lady with orange dreadlocks, a giant back pack and guitar, who still walks really fast despite her load; even the guy in the suit talking on his phone who runs into a parking meter. All the downtrodden people who keep on keeping no matter what. I was relieved that despite being tired today I was not in such a negative mood that I could not see each of them shine with their own unique grace through the heavy baggage most of them carry. And I’m not talking about back packs or guitars.

So many of them are smiling.

Except the suit. He was NOT happy. (I’m so sorry dude: after I cringed at your full on bonk, I giggled. That was rude. I really, really hope that was the only bad thing that happened to you today. )

And we know why the high people are smiling. Whatever. I’m in love with them too, though with full awareness that the crash will come too soon in all its agony.

But most of these people just plug along in their day, so many of them with incredible beauty despite the layers upon layers of dirty, not warm enough clothes and boots with holes in them.

Most of them for sure don’t get to have TWO lattes in one day, let alone one and as this last hit of caffeine clears my head I am thinking: wouldn’t it be cool to have a golf cart equipped with snow tires and a coffee pot, where I could take an hour each day and just drive around handing out coffee. I would have real cream too, and sugar. How cool would that be?

Okay. Clearly I need to be cut off from this addictive drink. But still. I could be the kiss blowing coffee fairy. You can’t be a weirdo when you are handing out free coffee. It’s impossible. That would make a difference. In my mood. And I’d have this cool golf cart.

Plus I am dying to ask the dreadlock lady to play guitar for me. She might slow down and do that if she had a cup of coffee. I bet she rocks.