Rational Worrying

Everyone I know and probably 95% of the people I don’t know has worries. And lately, some of us have more worries than usual. But I’m here to help you with a systematic three step approach to rationally working through your worries. Because I for one understand what it feels like to be overwhelmed with worry and feel it’s my duty to help rationally lighten the load. 

Step One: Write down your top ten worries. They don’t need to be in any specific order. Just get it all out, right there on paper. For example, here are my top  ten worries of the day: 

I’m worried about all the elephants mysteriously dying in Africa. 

I’m worried about the alarming amount of back fat I have. On my back. And also on my stomach and ass, which is not technically classified as back fat. But that is a silly digression. 

I’m worried my business won’t survive the year if I don’t step up and work smarter through the insanity of our country’s current state of affairs. 

I’m worried about always saying things to my daughter that make her mad. 

I’m worried we will never achieve world peace. 

I’m worried about our  neighbor Duane who has dementia and can’t find his wife. 

I’m worried that the show Supernatural is never going to actually end and I will be watching Sam and Dean endlessly bicker, die, come back to life, die again, kill demons, monsters, and a few angels for two hours every night for the rest of my life without any kind of final resolution. 

I’m worried that I’m going to end up on the show “Hoarders’ where my kids on live television smirkishly discover me only half dead under all my half finished recycle art projects. I hate when my kids smirk at me.  

I’m worried about my fog brain. So far I can find my husband. But is there where it starts? 

I’m worried I didn’t teach any of my kids to properly clean a bathroom. 

Wow! That feels great getting all that stuff out. Did you write yours down? How do you feel? 

Step Two read each one out loud and really hear the words. When you hear your worries out loud, sometimes you can eliminate a few that maybe aren’t so much worries as they are things you need to either accept or stop obsessing about because they are silly. For instance I’m pretty sure I can eliminate my worry about Supernatural never ending and simply accept that  IT’S NOT. EVER. GOING. TO END. Sam and Dean are just going to be a part of my life until I die. Or simply turn the television off. Also: the clean bathroom teaching? Silly. My children can learn ANYTHING they need to learn on YouTube. So them having dirty toilets when they are living on their own (and I’m on the downhill slide there) is NOT on ME. 

So now I’m down to only eight worries. Progress! Now you try and see which ones you can either accept or laugh at and then cross that shit OFF your list. 

Step Three is where it gets hard. Pick ONE worry that you can do at least something about that  by doing so will lessen your anxiety about the other worries. 

I have given a lot of thought when it comes to my current list and I have it narrowed down to doing something about my excessive back fat. 

Now that might sound rather shallow of me to be most concerned about my back fat when the elephants are dying, my neighbor can’t find his wife and the world won’t settle down and make nice. But hear me out and I’m sure you will see how rational this is. 

The best way to get rid of back fat is to work out. If I work out regularly, history has proven that I tend to eat just a little more nutritiously, which is then a double whammy to lessen my brain fog. If my brain is more clear I will be able to get more done in a day, which means I will have time for both focusing rationally (and with confidence because I have less back fat) on growing my business without panic or fear AND working on my unfinished recycle art projects so that things don’t pile up. Sorry smirking kids, you don’t get to be on the show. And when my business grows despite a bad economy and I am actively pursuing world fame for brilliant recycle-art, I will eventually have extra MONEY to give to research teams that will help figure out why the elephants are dying and HELP SAVE THEM. See? ALSO if I am working out, building my business, making crazy art, and helping save the elephants with a clear brain, I will be less likely to deliberately provoke my daughter with things I know will make her mad. Which by the way is a LOT of things, but things that are kind of unimportant in the ultimate quest for world peace, which starts in the home, right? And I will know this (and shut my mouth)  because I have a clear brain from working on my back fat. AND if I’m not arguing with my daughter I am in a better state to have a nice long repeat chat with my husband (who I clearly have not lost, yet) and our neighbor Duane every single time he comes over to the house wondering where his wife is, thereby walking the walk of soothing a neighbor in his here and now, which is the exact moment that matters to start a revolution of kindness. 

Do you see how awesome this is, working rationally through your worries to lighten the anxiety? I for one feel ready to do some backward crunches now to help save the elephants and create world peace.  I bet you too can be a part of this, even if you DON’T have back fat. 

(But please don’t gloat about not having it, the struggle is real for some of us and the world needs us to focus.)

Namaste lovelies.