It’s all fine and dandy (when you are NOT actually in charge of the world) to be all logical and know-it-all-like with what you would do if you WERE in charge. But when you are actually THE MAN (or in my case THE WOMAN) and it comes down to having to make real decisions that will do some good well it’s kind of hard to narrow things down.
That’s why I didn’t write a real post yesterday.
I was (very) stressed out from having to figure out how to help the world in ten easy steps.
Because I don’t think there should be more than ten steps. Otherwise things would be even more complicated than they already are.
The problem is all the damn people. There are so many of them and they are all so different. Shit, I have a hard enough time doing what is right for six completely different children. I mostly make decisions based on keeping 4 out of 6 of them happy and try to completely ignore the 2 hecklers. Hecklers need to suck it up and learn that it can’t always be about THEM. And if I can’t make at least 4 of them happy then it becomes about what is best for ME. Which is generally not good for any of the six. So they have learned. Mostly.
But the whole world? If 1/3 of them are hecklers, well…that’s 2.375 BILLION people bitching at me. I can’t just send that many people to bed without dinner. So I’m taking things pretty seriously.
Out of concern for my own well-being.
Oh, and yes, the world’s.
I know I will make China happy on account of me being a Sheeple and all focused on the Chinese New Year and such. That’s a billion or so. Except I don’t yet speak Chinese. That could be an issue.
Do you sense that I am stalling?
Okay…so here we go:
Step 1) Everyone will be required to wear Compassion Glasses (patent pending) all day long, every single day. They will be very stylish (with several different frame options) and will help the wearer look completely past color, gender, age, height, weight, hair style, education level, income, political/religious/sexual persuasion, fashion sense and dental plan and see directly into to the heart of every person they come into contact with. When we really see each other’s hearts we will discontinue bringing our own preconceived ideas of how other people should be/think/act/look and fall completely in love with each other and stop being butt faces. People’s spectacular uniqueness will not be a barrier but a joy and we will only want goodness for every single person and act accordingly.
This is called unconditional love. And it is impossible for most (if any) humans to truly grasp. This is why we need the glasses. To help most of us look past bad hair and be nice to each other.
Step 2) See #1
Step 3) See #2
Step 4) See #3
Step 5) See #4
Step 6) See #5
Step 7) See #6
Step 8) See #7
Step 9) See #8
Step 10) Chocolate for everyone, everyday, for free. (This is for you Kathy A.) High quality, smooth delicious chocolate will be paid for by the new world government (that I will happily help manage, with my compassion glasses on). This government will have plenty of time and money because there will no longer be war, hunger, tax evasion, murder, stealing or any other bad and costly shit that comes from hate on account of the fact that we are all being nice to each other.
Compassion and chocolate. Things will be okay with these two things.
It’s just not that complicated.
Kathy: glad I could help ease the pain! Ha! Chocolate does help most things. Even annoying election results!!! Thank you so much for following my blog. I feel like we are practically related because of Betty! So wonderful!
Well that settles it! I’m voting for you to rule the world . . . . I do get to vote, don’t I? This may be the first time I ever got what I asked for. After yet another election where my vote was the kiss of death, this was particularly pleasing to me. I sometimes think I am totally out of step with the world around me. But the chocolate will make it all OK again.
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