First, in case you are wondering, yes, the picture for this post is dead turkey leg*** which was left by the sink where I brush my teeth and wash my face. By whom it was left has not been made completely clear. But it’s mine now. As is the way of things when people leave their shit places it shouldn’t be left. Plus, I am an attention seeker so I thought maybe it would spark the interest of readers who really don’t give a crap about whether or not I am a socialist. Which I mostly am not. Though I have a socialisticish (that’s a new word) thought process in my household: what’s mine is yours when I have extra and feel like sharing and what’s your’s is mine, especially when you leave it next to my sink.
***Please note that both the turkey AND the leg are dead. It’s not just the dead leg OF a turkey. You probably assumed this, but I feel the need to make it clear so that I don’t get smart ass comments later from any of you about a one legged turkey hopping around. We ATE the turkey a long time ago and the leg is just a lovely memorial of the bloody, butchering party, that I was not, nor ever will be, a part of. Though I have grown attached to the leg. Because it’s mine now.
Second, before I started this post I was doing some laundry in the basement and decided to sweep the floor. The cat’s food dish is in the laundry room and she likes to take a mouthful of food, chew it up, swallow some, then spit out the rest. With every bite. (She also poops in the dirty laundry pile if we don’t clean out her litter box often enough.) But then I couldn’t find the dustpan that is ALWAYS next to the dryer with the broom, where I like it to be and I had this pile of chewed up cat food and nothing to sweep it into. So I screeched up the stairs: “PEOPLE. WHERE IS MY DUSTPAN?!?!?!?” and when there was no response I screeched it even louder, fourteen times. And then I sheepishly remembered that no one was home. Which is hardly ever the case. So I’m sure you can understand my confusion.
The cat and dog were both just looking at me like I was some kind of asshole.
But the cat is the real asshole if you ask me. I’m mostly just a brat who screeches at her kids even when they are not home.
I could just wrap things up here because I have just explained 1) my overly simplistic view of socialism which could soon be nationally symbolized by a dead turkey leg 2) you can’t be a good socialist when you are a brat to your people, especially when they aren’t home.
Right. As if I can speak my mind in less than 2000 words.
Here are my children’s responses to the questions I asked them about their presidential candidate choice and their list of reasons why. If you want to be even more confused about the political jibber- jabber we have been having, here is the link to Part One:
David was the first to respond because he made the mistake of telling me that he was bored. He was the only kid home at the time. If I’d been a good mom I would have played a game with him instead of handing him his list of questions to answer but I was busy looking at dog and cat videos on Facebook. He snuck his answers into my office four minutes later, the pages held together with this elaborate bobby pin, ponytail holder concoction that he must have found on the floor in his sister’s room where ALL the hair fasteners usually are. I think he was trying to tell me something, but I’m not sure. I didn’t see him the rest of the day.
To sum up David’s four minute response (in cool green ink):
Yes he feels the country IS divided: “between people who like cops and others who don’t.” His response to what his guy Jeb Bush would do to fix this was “Obama didn’t really do anything.” So I’m thinking he maybe thinks it can’t get any worse?
When asked if he thought our family was divided: “No I do not. We are a family, we fight but we never really hold grudges. And when everyone is gone, I’m sooo bored.”
When I asked him to rephrase his comment about businesses not having to sell their stuff to “the gays” if they didn’t want to: he said he “simply meant to say that people should be able to sell to whomever they want because it’s THEIR business. They shouldn’t even need to have a reason.” I knew that’s what he meant. And I’m pretty sure he will sell anyone anything if HE ever owns a business that sells stuff. David is a mellow, peaceful, “do your thing people, I judge you not” kind of guy. More so than anyone else in our family.
Apparently David was NOT born when the other Bushes were presidents (though it seems like David has always been with me) but he likes them anyway because they seem cool. “G.W. Bush was so good they elected his son.” Seems logical. Especially if you weren’t born then.
Daniel was the LAST one to turn his response in. I think he has some resentment towards the assignment. He claims to have been busy working on his honors English summer homework of writing some kind of thousand page college thesis or something.
I am going to quote Daniel’s politically incorrect response about a Harvard/Princeton education:
“Education makes you a better candidate because you know your stuff and you aren’t a retard like Donald Trump. But, no I don’t want to go to a $ school.” Whew.
Dan says that a domestic policy is “a decision directly related to all issues within our nation’s borders and that Ted Cruz is for protecting our borders from those who endanger us and plans to widen our military to do so.” Dan: how will Cruz control the crazy, naked parachuters? I mean, seriously? We should be more worried about these kind of invasions. I think this needs to be thought through. No really.
Daniel kind of pulled a filibuster in response to the specific reasons Ted Cruz opposes Planned Parenthood but says that Arthur is for SURE “not as cool of a middle name as Rafael.” I don’t blame him. It was a tricky question. And if he wants me to call him Daniel Jesus, I would do that. Because I love him. And I am so glad he was born. I wish every person had the option to be born.
Maria turned in a three page typed dissertation. I not going to be asking her any questions in the near future. I haven’t read it yet because I am afraid I won’t understand any of it. She scares me.
Psyche. Gotcha Maria. As IF I would cop out like that:) Of COURSE I read your piece of fine work. I submitted it to several out of state universities and they have all offered to take you. Right now.
But seriously, I really DO appreciate Maria’s explanation on Rand Paul’s idea about taxation: “This plan involves eliminating most credit deductions, loopholes, double taxation and replacing the personal income tax with a 14.5% flat rate making it easier to know what to expect. And an anti-tax organization would not make taxes go away all together, it would just help lower it but it would not cause the social programs we need, to go away”.
Maria’s reasons why Hillary Clinton sucks: Wow. My daughter is clearly harboring a lot of rage against Hillary. Has she REALLY often use the term “Jew bastard”? Hillary not Maria. Yikes. Maybe that’s why she, as Maria says, flip flops on the war in Iraq: she’s not sure which side the jewish people are on. No wait. I might be confused. I don’t think there are any Jewish people in Iraq. BUT I wonder why, as Maria says, she despises women who stay home to take care of their families? Perhaps she’s jealous. Maybe she is hiding her past (with the scandalous personal email deal) because she is living a double life where she is a stay home mom with a husband who is the bread winner.
I’m so glad to know the government doesn’t have cameras in our house watching us, but do you think that the government is reading this blog? If so, why am I not more famous? It’s probs because I didn’t put lipstick on for my blog picture. And while I appreciate the offer for a sleep-over at the White House when you are president, I would still rather be appointed to Queen of something.
The national debt question: I think Maria answered this pretty well, considering the brightest of brights find it complex. She said that “we must look out for our own country before we help other countries. And put more restrictions on welfare and how much we import.” Though China does make those cute little umbrellas they put in drinks. I would miss those.
Maria: you did NOT sound like a stupid teenager. You were very well spoken in your words. I think you should follow Rand Paul as an example of someone who is not worried about speaking his mind but does so with kindness, poise and eloquence. Unlike, as you mentioned, Donald Trump, “who is mean and not very eloquent”.
“Wellesley college is located in New Zealand. AND Massachusetts.” Does this mean that it’s POSSIBLE that Hillary is not really a U.S. Citizen? Hmm. Interesting. We should add this Hillary ‘fact’ to Wikipedia. You can do that you know.
Mitchel says that Carly Fiorina is the other female candidate but that “she doesn’t do as much”. Lazy. Mitchel AND Carly. Bet if I asked him to look up facts on Minecraft or this summer’s firestorm in the northwest, he’d have 1000 facts within four minutes. Carly: you best step it up. You are NOT impressing the 10 year old democrat.
Why is being young a good thing when you are President: “so that she won’t die halfway through being president.” I guess four years seems a lot longer when you are ten. Or a member of the Republican party.
When asked if Mitchel thought it was important to ask the RIGHT people for advice when you are making important decisions and to give an example of when he asked the WRONG people for advice his one sentence reply was “YES. Say I want to bomb ISIS then yes, I would be bad.” Clearly Mitchel is avoiding my underlying question as to why he would do ANYTHING ANY of his brothers advise him to do.
What does the first lady do: “She is the President’s wife.” What does the Secretary of State do: “helps out”. Which is most interesting: “Secretary of State.” I wonder if Mitchel’s future wife will be a stay home mom and if she will be more interesting that the Secretary of State. Though I’m thinking anyone Mitchel marries will be interesting.
And so ends this political adventure with my children. School starts for them this week. Soon they’ll be busy getting (even more) smarter than me and probably won’t have much time to do ‘Mom Reports’ until at least Christmas Break.
I don’t think it’s going to be very fun being a socialist when there aren’t any people around to take stuff from and force to answer questions in writing about stuff they only sort of care about.
If any of you need me this week I will probably be in the basement screeching at the cat and threatening her with my turkey leg, pretending to be the Queen.
Of no one.
I absolutely loved this 2-parter! Do we get a 3rd installment? 😁
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Might be interesting to do a follow up on this with my kids when the ‘big’ election happens. I will say that they are more knowledgeable than I am lately. I have emotionally checked out more and more as my preferred candidates one by one have withdrawn from the race. Maybe a “what to pack when we move to Canada” might be a good title. Ha! Thanks for reading me! Nice to not feel on an island once in a while! Keep up your writing ZebraCourage! I have made it my quest to dive in deeper and read other writers and it has been wonderful to meet people like you and read of your journey through your beautiful words!
I’m so impressed your children actually did the assignment and then answered follow up questions? What kind of leverage do you have there?
I will say this about Trump. He has started a lot of conversations that need to be had in this campaign.
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Laughing about you yelling about your dustpan. I once labeled my broom, and added “leave here!”on the handle. I hate having to hunt down my stuff.
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