Sitting Still

I have been in an 8 hour long meeting about navigating government contracts with almost no time to answer phone calls or emails from my clients today, let alone write a blog post. There is one more day to go tomorrow and I have to say: my soul feels slightly dead. I’m not good at sitting still for ONE hour, let alone eight, unless it’s to binge watch Netflix. It is 5:48 pm and I have exactly thirty-two minutes to pull some kind of blog post out of my sleeve before I get to go have dinner at the 3rd finest steakhouse in Las Vegas which I’m NOT skipping, even though I considered doing so and instead opt for room service and my jammies and catching up on work and writing. But I’m in VEGAS and I really love steak. Consequently, this is probably going to be short and dull with a lot of bad grammar because while I absolutely want to put out good content to my small but loyal group of readers, the promise to myself of a daily post in November means I may have to from time to time say “screw content”. Sorry not sorry. 

There was assigned seating today at the conference and I was placed at the front of the room in the middle of the long narrow table. They clearly did not get the memo that I am extremely claustrophobic and need to be by an exit sign at all times or I get fidgety and a little panic sweaty. Plus it was awkward to sneak out to the bathroom, (HELLO: six babies equals bad bladder) AND there was not enough table space for all my STUFF. I also kept kicking off the table skirt every time I crossed and uncrossed my legs, which was about every forty two seconds, due to bladder/claustrophobia. To make matters worse, I couldn’t sneak texts and emails because the boss of the conference was very strict about phones being off and attention being on the content. Which I understand entirely. They spent a lot of time putting the conference together and it’s not polite to not pay attention. 

But the night before I had figured out how to make videos of my personalized emoji self using face recognition with my recorded voice message coming out of super cute lips, complete with perfect lipstick.  Earlier that morning I had sent quite a few videos of my new CARTOON identity telling my kids I loved them, my friends that I was stuck in Vegas without them and sad and thanking a few customers for orders in what I thought to be an amazingly creative manner. So I was getting quite a few responses from the people I texted this morning with my new favorite thing EVER: CARTOON HEATHER.  So I wanted to see the responses but couldn’t until breaks. 

It turns out that a lot of my customers (and some of my family members) thought I was drunk, which I WAS NOT. So I had to explain to them in NORMAL phone calls during the lunch hour (when I could have been eating TACOS) that I had thought it was great marketing, having a cartoon video of myself. Plus I don’t even have to brush my hair or put makeup like I do when I Facetime. My video emoji ALWAYS LOOKS CUTE. So this could potentially change the whole sales call thing, assuming I can close deals in 30 seconds or under. 

It’s probably going to take a little while for people to get used to the new cartoon me but I’m pretty sure I’m on to something. 

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7 thoughts on “Sitting Still

  1. You had me at table skirt. I actually spilled an entire pitcher of ice water when my fidgeting feet got stuck in ones seam during a very boring seminar in a room full of very boring accountants. Not one of my finer moments

    Liked by 1 person

Your comments make my day, even the mean ones, it means you are reading my stuff, but don't be mean, that's rude:)

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