I Can’t Stop Blowing Bubbles

I remember when having two pieces of Hubba Bubba bubble gum in my mouth was just the BEST.

That was when I was 12.

I just now put a piece of it in my mouth: Hawaiian Punch flavor and it’s bringing me back to my childhood a bit. It used to be my favorite flavor and I continuously got in trouble with Mr. Lee, my very incredible sixth grade teacher, for having gum in my mouth. I KNOW my mouth was a lot smaller when I was twelve. But now my mouth feels completely stuffed! How did I ever chew two pieces? One piece is kind of making me gag. I suddenly have a different perspective on how Mr. Lee must have seen his obnoxious students with their mouths stuffed full of contraband gum. You can’t learn when you are busy trying to be cool with a giant, pink slimy, sugary glob in your mouth.

I for sure can’t write with it in my mouth; I can’t take myself seriously. Plus it’s hard to blow manageable bubbles with that much gum.

So I just took half of it out of my mouth and pressed it into the bottom side of my desk. For old time’s sake.

OMG! Seriously? I would never do that!  Never in my entire life have I ever done that.

If you are the kind of person to stick your gum under desks and restaurant tables, I’m sorry we just can’t be friends. I think you need to seek help because there are probably other really awful things you do as well. I bet you had a booger wall when you were a kid. I bet you STILL have a booger wall. (Siwinski children: you KNOW who you are!) I think I just coughed down a little bit of throw-up.

As far as I am concerned there are only two ways to dispose of gum: swallow it or spit it into a garbage can. (Please make note, boogers have different rules.)

Sometimes I am a gum swallower. I do not completely believe what all our mothers used to say about swallowing gum:

“You will never digest it and it will stay in your stomach until you are so filled with undigested pieces of gum that you won’t be able to poop for the rest of your life unless you have an operation.”

Wait. Your mom never said that to you? Oh.

But the Hubba Bubba? There is no swallowing this big old piece of rubber: it would for SURE would stop me up for at least a few days.

I don’t think spitting your gum out your car window, or on the sidewalk, or into the bushes, or on your bedroom floor is proper either. Other people STEP on that shit! Just sayin.

If you honestly can not find a garbage can and are afraid of constipation, stick it behind your ear until you can properly dispose of it.

FYI: peanut butter takes gum out of hair quite efficiently.

I’m not sure how to get it off glasses. I’ve never had that happen before today.


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