September 14, 2024
Dear Grant,
Thirty three years ago today we both said “I Do”. I know that over the years I have jokingly said that I only promised 40 years and then we could renegotiate from there. But I have been doing some “Heather Math” and I think that it makes sense to extend this promise a little longer without any kind of dickering or taunting from either side, but namely on your end since you basically have the high ground on this marriage, as the more peaceful, kind and tolerant one.
According to my records during our marriage we have had ten dogs in our lives as either permanent or temporary residents: Sara, Gus, Bear, Molly, Hooch, Daisy, Duke, Cooper, Bella and Jet. We have housed ten cats, of which nine were rescues: Sweet Pea, Mama Cat, Sebastian, Mimers (I gave ALL her kittens away so I’m not listing them in this number), Priscilla, Amber, Phoebe, Maybe/Big Haus/Kitten, and Bob. Two aquatic turtles came to our lives: one is still here and may outlive us all, the other died a very early and tragic death. Seven birds either flew or were hatched into our lives: a cockatiel, Talko the parakeet, 4 ducks hatched: of which one died despite my attempts to rehabilitate sweet, yellow cartoon duckling Jaylu, and three who were housed with our cannibalistic chicken, Blackie-Brown. Numerous hamsters and guinea pigs and lizards from “the lizard place” all came and went or were lost in the depths of the house. Too many to name but for the sake of my special math I’m giving this number a four. That makes thirty three furry, feathered, shelled or otherwise beings in our thirty three years of marriage.
Then there are the humans we helped grow. Six kids were born under our care, Duncan, Dillin, Maria, Daniel, David and Mitchel, plus another baby (in between Maria and Daniel) who must have decided that our family was going to be way too much for him or her and took a shortcut to heaven. Four of those kids have found THEIR person Maggie, Jackson, Andrea and Autumn, who is each therefore now OUR person, so that makes eleven humans. Those humans have a total of three grand-dogs, Chuck, Oliver and Lilah, and one grand-cat Jimmy. So that makes eleven humans so far and another four furry babies.
When you add all the life that we have been open to during these thirty three years, the number is currently forty eight beings, which according to my math is 1.454545 beings per year. If you multiply this by the promised 40 you get 58.181818 years.
As the love of my life, hand chosen by God to be my bestie, my business partner, my lover, my husband and the one, who when he said yes, might not have quite known what was in store for us, but who has been 100% steadfast through it all, do you want to just go for it for another 25.181818 years before we renegotiate? I mean that seems perfectly logical to me: look at all those eights!!!
Although a few days ago you informed me that 33 means AMEN. So I suppose we could just simplify the “Heather Math”, do some “Grant Math” and say AMEN to another 33.
What say you Grant Ward Siwinski Jr? Can I get another AMEN?
Love, Heather
peaceof8 